Moving on from this one just isnt happening. I had hoped being two states away with an entirely different family might give me some emotional breathing room. I loathe going back to work Monday, because i know I'll go numb again.. And as aweful as this emptiness is, I'll take it over nothing.. At least I feel...

I dont think I've ever missed kingdom bound as much as I do right now... It physically hurts, I know I need to cry but I can't, not now...

I'm trying to be brave, not be scared... But I feel so lost :(

11 years since high school, I'm content with who I am now, but sad at how aimless and scared those intervening years were...

Weekend: 1...brian: 0

My social skills have atrophied to an astonishing degree

How could I have forgotten how *yummy* brian malko is!!!

I love mornings at work when there's nothing to do, Monday mornings with nothing to do are the best. I can ease into the week rather than jump right on that moving train. Mornings like this are pretty rare for me, either I'm finishing up iPods I fixed the day before or I'm starting in on a new batch. This morning tho was nice and quiet, nothing to do :). The rest of the day was really busy of course, but I had a good hour or two haha.

As hard as I try, I can't stop being me :(

So it's been awhile since I posted regularly, here's where I'm at :)

-28 years old
-Married, very happily, for just over a year
-Recently we became the owner of a Flatcoat Retriever puppy names Izabel (Izy)
-Live in a new'ish place, in Buffalo, the entire first floor of an old house
-Still fixing iPods for a living, more than 10 years now
-No longer driving a Grand Prix, now I'm in a Camry
-I like to think of myself as a photographer though I haven't done much of late
-My hair is back to fairly short, fairly blond
-Free time is taken up by Izy for the most part, with equal parts reading and ps3'ing with the rest of it

That covers the vitals I think, feel free to comment a few questions if you like :)

Why haven't I been taking photographs?

I'm so tired today... Wednesday's kill me, neither here nor there, little bit of both. I get paid on Wednesdays so there's that, but once the thrill of my account balance fades its just another day between me and the weekend. Since I still haven't really accepted that I'm an adult, I still haven't accepted that I have to work 40 hours a week to pay for such basic neccesities as food, shelter, and cell service. Part of me is very confused, if I can get movies and books and programs free off the Internet, why can't I download a sandwich? Paying for things is so tedious!

While at work I long to be home, but once there work never seems so bad. I spend half of my time watching movies, some of my time with tedious paperwork, and about two hours of harried frenetic obssesive labour. Fixing iPods is surprisingly stressful. Of course the job would be perfect, if it weren't for the customers. :)

Its a pretty good gig tho, la

Mondays with a puppy, so tired throughout the day from puppy nightime, so busy when I get home loving puppy, little be of me time while puppy naps, no naps for me, I miss naps... But there's nothing quite like puppy love :)

Hi :). Got lots done today, makes me happy! Jamma went to bed early cuz she was sick :/ a good night sleep should fix her up :)

Not looking forward to a week of work hah.

I can't recall the last time I posted here.... I'm stuck in this isolation rut thats pretty much cut all my ties with everyone but my wife. No myspace, lj, email, blogs, mm, omp, phone, ECT. I'm still finding it hard to reach out. But I found an app for my iPhone that let's me post here... And that slight buffer seems to make a difference. I hope so anyway. We'll see if I stick with it haha.

This is my 5th year doing this list!

1.What did you do in 02007 that you'd never done before? Got married! Flew! Visited tropical islands!

…2006…Got engaged hahah
…2005…Fashion! Photography that is.
…2004…Dyed my hair blue heheh.
…2003…Displayed my photo’s publicly, and published my first photo.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not really…Maybe?

…2006… I guess, mostly, kinda sorta? I have a couple to make this year
…2005…Mmmm... did I make any? I made some about half way through that I'm doing fairly well with.
…2004…I did better than I thought I would. I'll be making the same this year :)
…2003…Don’t think I made any, though the resolutions I made a month of two back have met with mixed results.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope

…2006… My sister did adopt her first child :)
…2005…Nope.
…2004…Soon
…2003…Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather

…2006… Nope.
…2005…Nope.
…2004…My cat and my dog.
…2003…Nope.

5. What countries did you visit? I was only 90 miles from Cuba!

…2006… Canada? Pffht.
…2005…Canada! Woot!
…2004…Canada?
…2003…Canada?

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A Canon 1DsMkIII

…2006… A sweet job hahah, a 1dsMkII.
…2005…*whistles* real casual like...
…2004…Would it sound to pathetic to say a best friend?
…2003…Heheh, keys to the Asylum.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 19th, when I said “I do” J

…2006… November 25th, the day I proposed ;)
…2005…Christmas Eve was pretty special
…2004…September 15th, Movie night, 'cause I was so touched that the girls bought a cake!
…2003…The night my sister tried to kill herself.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? The Wedding!

…2006… Leighanne saying yes :)
…2005…As last year, Kingdom Bound, but for different reasons.
…2004…Kingdom Bound
…2003…Showing people my photo’s.

9. What was your biggest failure? Photography.

…2006… Beaux?
…2005…The intervention.
…2004…Kingdom Bound
…2003…Going back to my vomit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Another battle with kidney stones, pretty serious…

…2006… Not too much, getting older tho hah.
…2005…Not anything so serious as last year. Aches and pains, that's about it.
…2004…Let's see, more kidney stones, serious back issues, ect. Not a great health year.
…2003…Kidney stones, all 8 of them. A few other troubles.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My iPhone hahah

…2006… A ring
…2005…My 20D
…2004…My camera
…2003…Puracane’s cd.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jasen and James

…2006… Kristen's
…2005…Jess's, for the second year running :)
…2004…Jess's
…2003…Gods heheh. Phen’s.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Yet another banner year for GWB…

…2006… MmmHmm.
…2005…Heheh, I'm pleasing the fifth on this one
…2004…The presidents.
…2003…The presidents.

14. Where did most of your money go? Eating out hahah

…2006… bills. getting debt under control.
…2005…To desecrate a mummy
…2004…New Car
…2003…The car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? May 19th ;), The Ritz Carlton, my bday shoot.

…2006… Photoshoots, friends, getting married hahah
…2005…Photography! Again!
…2004…New Camera!
…2003…Camp!


16. What song will always remind you of 2007? “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol

…2006… Garbage - Androgyny
…2005…"How Do" by the Sneaker Pimps
…2004…Mosh oddly enough
…2003…“Summertime Rolls” by Puracane

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

…2006… Happier, The same, The same
…2005…Happier, Shut up! Little fatter,Poorer.
…2004… Happier, The same, The same
…2003… Happier, Grrr… fatter, Poorer.


18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spending time with friends

…2006… editing photo's LOL
…2005… Time in the Word
…2004… Time in the Word
…2003… Time in the Word

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Sleeping

…2006… wasting time
…2005… Feeling bad
…2004… Killing time.
…2003… Rebelling

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly with my wife J

…2006… Spent it with family, and with Leighanne ;)
…2005… Texting LOL
…2004… At home with family and friends.
…2003… With family, making time for quiet moments when possible.

[Someone apparently stole 21. What kind of sicko steals 21 from a questionnaire? Bastards.] heheh, love that Cignoir

22. Did you fall in love in 02006? Fell deeper in love!

…2006… Why, yes I did :)
…2005… MMMmmm... not really.
…2004… Kinda?
…2003… Nope

23. How many one-night stands? Not really hahah

…2006… Nope
…2005… Depends who you ask I suppose
…2004… Really depends on your perception heheh.
…2003… Nope.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Dexter

…2006… The Boondocks
…2005… *Mumbles* America's next top model...
…2004… Venture Brothers
…2003… That 70’s show

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? GWB is getting there.

…2006… I consider hate a terribly strong word. Can’t say I really hate anyone.
…2005… Hate's such a strong word...
…2004… I hate situations people have created, not the people.
…2003… I consider hate a terribly strong word. Can’t say I really hate anyone.


26. What was the best book you read? “The Windup Bird”

…2006… The namesake, by Lahiri
…2005… Flashbang
…2004… "Brass" by Helen Walsh
…2003… “Pattern Recognition” by William Gibson

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Superbus!

…2006… Garbage, albeit it a little late hah
…2005… Prolly Queens of the Stoneage
…2004… Muse.
…2003… Puracane, or perhaps 30 seconds to Mars

28. What did you want and get? A wife J, an amazing wedding, an amazing honeymoon

…2006… A fiance? Hahah, a macro lense too.
…2005… My camera... a tax vendor ID... my 28-135 lense... someone to talk to...
…2004… A camera, new car, new coat!
…2003… A wide angle lense for my Om2.

[29 is also suspiciously absent. I believe it was kidnapped by aliens. It had something to do with Nutella. Aliens love Nutella.] I think Cignoir loves Nutella.


30. What was your favorite film of this year? “No Country for Old Men”

…2006… Silent Hill
…2005… Sin city
…2004… Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
…2003… 28 days later

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 28 this year, spent it working and with my wifey J

…2006…27, good heavens, and I went on a photo shoot! Kristen made my birthday with a cake, a photo, and a card :)
…2005… Camped!
…2004… Took the day off, made a day of it heheh.
…2003… Worked, I think. I forget…

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 1DsMkIII

…2006… Real studio lights? :)
…2005… I hate to be so cliche'ed about these things...
…2004… A girl.
…2003… If I kept my promises.


33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Clean lines

…2006… Hahah... a rather dramatic departure, and yet a subtle one... *wink*
…2005… Jeans. It's all about the jeans.
…2004… Jeans. It's all about the jeans. And black, always with the black.
…2003… Working so much my wardrobe largely consists of kaki pants and black shirts. Otherwise it’s jeans.

34. What kept you sane? Jamma

…2006… Leighanne, photography, music, Garbage especially
…2005… God. Photography. Music.
…2004… God. Jess. Collages. Photography.
…2003… Music, God, photography.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Giselle, Jennifer Ayache, Russell James

…2006… Shirley Manson
…2005… Like... wanna *do* fancy... or respect fancy? Ana Beatriz Barros, and David Mack... in that order.
…2004… Tasha Tilberg.
…2003… Johny Depp.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Immigration.

…2006… The US in general has made an ass of itself
…2005… Oil.
…2004… The travesty called the presidential election.
…2003… Just about every decision this administration has made.

37. Who did you miss? People

…2006… My girl
…2005… Jess
…2004… Jen. Mo. Miss.
…2003… Joy.

38. Who was the best new person you met? ?

…2006… Marie :)
…2005… Leighanne, in a manner of speaking
…2004… Jess. Woot!
…2003… Sara. Rock.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: It’s not about you… J

…2006… Time is short and ellusive
…2005… It doesn't belong to you, no, not that either.
…2004… Gotta love God before you can truly love another.
…2003… God actually knows what He’s talking about.


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: “Edison would spin in his grave, To ever see the light that you gave, Don't want to take it nice and slow here, Don't want to waste a minute more, dear”

…2006…” Silence is Golden,Nobody gets in,Safe in my own skin,So nobody wins”
…2005… "I'd start a revolution... if I could get up in the mornin'"
…2004…” And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine.”
…2003…” I've grown so close to you, Boy and you just groan boy,She said comeover comeover,She smiled at you boy.”

KB07 by Brian Grinham


KB07 By Leighanne Grinham

Is over. The last few years I've written a rather lengthy post before the event, all about past years and hopes for the present. Ect, ect. This year has been radically different, getting engaged and married tends to change things ;). It's been a surreal year. Good, but surreal. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin

And Kingdom Bound itself has been through some changes. Attendence has dropped off, sponsors have dried up, the festival circuit isn't promoted by the labels much any more, the focus has become increasingly on generic family stuff, even Darien Lake itself is dying off. When I first started going to KB, 13 years ago, music festivals were at their peak, Creation and Cornerstone reighned supreme but KB was nipping at their heals. The Christian music industry was booming, labels were throwing money at festivals to get their new artists some attention. Christianity has a whole was undergoing a re-vitalization, there was room to breathe for Christian artists.

All that said, it was a strange year at KB. I don't know if it was because I changed, or KB changed, or both. I really, really, miss it tho.